Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."