What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!