My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
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