I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
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