What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
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