I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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