A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
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