It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
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