2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
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