How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
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