What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Go to BabaMail
