Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
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