Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
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