How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
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