I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Go to BabaMail
