How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
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