What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
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