Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
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