Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
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