When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
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