The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Go to BabaMail
