Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
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