Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
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