Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Who succeeded the Vikings?
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What does vikings call english villages?
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How was the viking party?
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.