Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
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