Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
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