Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
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