When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
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