An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.