Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
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