How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
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