I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
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