Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
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