Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.