What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.