How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
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