What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
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