What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
The sun is just a big space heater.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
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