The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
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