When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”