What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
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