Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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