Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
The sun is just a big space heater.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.