What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.