What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
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