How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
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