My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
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