Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.