Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
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