A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
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