How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
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