I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
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