Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
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