What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
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