Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.