Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
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