How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
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