What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.