Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
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