What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
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