Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
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