Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
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