Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
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