Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
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