What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
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