What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
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