Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Go to BabaMail
