Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.