Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
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