What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
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