Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
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