Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
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