You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
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