Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
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