You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
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