Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
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