I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
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