What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
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