My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.