What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
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