My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Go to BabaMail
