Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
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