What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
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