What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
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