What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
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