Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
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