What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
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