What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.