What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
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