My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
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