What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
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