What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
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