When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
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