What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
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