How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
That boy narrated his-story really well.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
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