Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
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