What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
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