What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
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