My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
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