Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
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