Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
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