Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
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