A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
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