What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
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