Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
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