England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
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