Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
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