In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
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