Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
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