What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.