Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
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