After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
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