Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
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