What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
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