Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
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