Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
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