Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
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