Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
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