Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
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