How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
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