What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!