My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
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