Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
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