What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
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