She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Go to BabaMail
