Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
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