Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
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