What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
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