Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
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