Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
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