What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.