Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
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