What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
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