How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
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