Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
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