Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.