Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.