What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I feel tail great!
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
By the seat of one’s punt
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
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