What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
All punts are highly intended
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
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