If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
Water you doing on [date]?
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
I feel tail great!
All punts are highly intended
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.
It will be missed.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
This summer is going swimmingly.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
What does the ski bum do when the chairlift line is too long?
He's gondola top of the mountain.
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