Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
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