I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
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