Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
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