If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
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