So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
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