Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
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