How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
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