Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
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