Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!