What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.