My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.