How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
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