Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
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