What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
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