What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
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