Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
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