What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
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