Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
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