I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
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