Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
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