What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Go to BabaMail
