Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
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