What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.