What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
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