I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
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