For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
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